Ruminations and Predictions
by Dr. Movie
Summary: A new beginning in a new world, thanks to the chaos of Third Impact and Shinji's fractured psyche is born.


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Act 0:Ruminations  
  
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It should have been the end of my story, I keep thinking every time that I consider where I am and   
  
what has happened. Limitless possibilities existed for me and for the world, so many that it would have   
  
taken a lifetime to consider all of them with only a moment devoted to each. It wracks my mind, twisting   
  
and turning my thoughts over its confusing lengths as if to teach me that even I know nothing, and that   
  
despite what has happened, I am, just like everyone else in this world, a pitiful thing. I don't like to think   
  
about it often, truthfully, but I can't help it on days like today.  
  
It's pouring down rain, the overhang of the small foyer of the apartment building keeping it at bay   
  
with the grace of no more than a few inches, which allows the water falling from the heavens to   
  
occasionally splash my bare feet. It doesn't matter, since I'm soaking wet anyway from a short walk a few   
  
minutes ago, but I figure that standing out in it would be like inviting a cold upon myself. Sitting in   
  
soaking clothes and not drying off probably isn't better anyway, though. Yet, that would be assuming I   
  
could get sick in ways most people consider normal. At this point, I truly don't know what can and can not   
  
happen to me.   
  
I began to realize that things, despite indications to the contrary, were not as I had imaging or   
  
hoped at most a month in the past. It seemed that the world had corrected itself and that all was well. My   
  
father and mother were living calmly at home, and my neighborhood friends were doing well. That woman   
  
was my teacher in school, and my friends and I would watch her, and the other girls, for that matter, like   
  
hawks whenever it seemed there might be some special benefit to it. Then, one morning, I bumped into a   
  
girl who was new, and nothing remained the same in my life.  
  
Yet, I can not say that that was truly my life, either, for when I began to see her, I began to   
  
remember the truth, as though her blue hair and red eyes were catalyst for something hidden deep within   
  
my soul. I can still remember the first night the flashbacks began, when I was curled up in my bed   
  
clutching my chest as the visions went through my mind, their intensity so horrific and great that it caused   
  
me physical pain. Eventually I managed to find sleep, and some form of solace from the dreamless   
  
slumber that it became, but the images would haunt me for days to come and form the core of a challenge   
  
to all that I knew.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
I woke up with a start, the covers of my bed flying forward from the force of my sudden ascent off   
  
of the mattress of my bed, a few beads of sweat flying from my brow. I knew that I hadn't dreamt   
  
anything, and yet my heart raced and my breathing was a shallow, almost wheezing thing. It was earlier   
  
than I normally would have roused myself from the comfort of sleep, I noticed, as I looked over at the   
  
glowing red display of my alarm clock while catching my breath, its eerie light illuminating my room in the   
  
dark with the current time. 4:48 the digits read, though to me it was more as though the machine was   
  
telling me that I shouldn't yet be awake and that I still could rest a while before having to get up, dress, and   
  
eat breakfast before heading to Friday's classes.  
  
Letting my hand fall from my chest, where it had taken up residence in the chaos of my sudden   
  
awakening, I let myself fall back to the mattress, feeling grimly satisfied when my head struck the pillow   
  
and my body bounced slightly from the impact. Perhaps I needed a good hit in the head to correct my   
  
sanity, which seemed to have deserted me the previous night. I flinched as one of the images raced through   
  
my mind, overpowering my senses for an instant with something that I did not understand. A giant,   
  
inhuman eye that somehow seemed familiar, yet was accompanied by a feeling of incomprehensible terror   
  
made itself a resident of all my senses for a moment, down to a dull, rumbling hum that seemed like the   
  
signature of large mechanical equipment.  
  
My hands, I realized, were cupping my ears and pulling my head down towards my chest, which   
  
my knees were also trying to reach in a surprisingly robust effort. I was on my side, a position I was   
  
unaware I had taken, but I soon tried to remedy, the pounding image in my head fading away. Perhaps it   
  
was just an aftershock from last night, making it known that it had happened, but also teasing my one last   
  
time on its way out, never to return. Perhaps that would be the end of it. There was always hope, at least,   
  
but I didn't know exactly how much stock to place in such a thing at this point. Maybe it would just be a   
  
passing thing.  
  
I was up, though, so it seemed silly to avoid the inevitable, I decided after having lain on my bed   
  
for a few long minutes. My body protested as I turned and swung my feet down to the floor below,   
  
seemingly indignant at the fact that I was threatening it with action at such an early time. Still, I realized   
  
I must have been in bed letting my mind wander longer than I had expected, as it was nearing six in the   
  
morning. My excess time was gone, now, so it was necessary to take a shower and get on with the normal   
  
morning acts like breakfast and brushing the teeth, to name a few.   
  
It wasn't all that much later that I was leaving the kitchen with a quick goodbye to my father,   
  
whose head was hidden behind a newspaper, and my mother, who was at the kitchen sink cleaning a few   
  
dishes from breakfast. She was always cheerful in her wishing me well for the day, while father was rather   
  
detached and responded with a quiet, muffled parting. My feet were carrying down the driveway when I   
  
noticed a familiar, red hair endowed teenager walking down the sidewalk towards me. We met up at the   
  
curb of the street, and began to walk to class.  
  
For some reason, I didn't feel the normal, if taken for granted, sense of appreciation I did for her   
  
traveling with me to school each day as we paced ourselves along the path we always took. It was about   
  
halfway, as we were rounding a corner, that I saw her. I'm sure Asuka saw her too, with her bright blue   
  
eyes that always seemed mismatched to her fiery hair, but I don't think she cared until she noticed that I   
  
was looking at her. For some reason, she seemed so familiar, even though she'd been at our school only a   
  
few days. Her blue hair, which everyone was betting on the naturalness of, and her red eyes, which were   
  
truly red, which were the subject of color changing contact speculation, seemed to fit perfectly her pale skin   
  
and lithe frame.   
  
It was strange, really. I know Asuka was questioning the look I gave the new girl as we walked to   
  
class as a trio, but it didn't feel like she was there. Then again, Asuka was calm after a while, her ability   
  
to rage against me limited to a degree by the fact that we were going to have to disperse for class. Perhaps it   
  
was fate that the new girl was in my class, but I can't tell if it was positive or negative fate, in that regard.   
  
We were silent the entire time we headed to class, our feet, I later realized, moving in unison as we went.   
  
For some reason, I felt that something was wrong, and yet, oddly right, about being near her. My time to   
  
ponder it was cut short, though, when class started.  
  
For some reason, class seemed a bit unusual to me, as I sat and listened to the lessons being taught   
  
by our teacher. As he went on about the history of not only Japan but the world as well, I got the feeling   
  
that it was just a sham, yet I could not place it in my coherent thoughts accurately. It bothered me, I   
  
realized, and it did not seem to diminish as the morning wore on. Instead, the feeling steadily became   
  
worse and worse. I felt as though I was going to spontaneously reach up and start ripping out my hair just   
  
to get the feeling out of my head when I was saved by the simple ring of our school's lunch bell. I stood   
  
up, collecting the box with my lunch, and prepared to walk to the outdoor lunch area, when I suddenly   
  
found myself clutching the desk in hopes that I wouldn't fall over from the sudden dizziness that came over   
  
me.  
  
My mind was overrun by a sudden collage of images and sounds, from animalistic, echoing roars   
  
to the splatter of blood. A person, in a giant, mechanical hand being crushed to death faded into the image   
  
of a familiar red head yelling at him in a poorly kept apartment, which in turn shifted into the visage of an   
  
eerily smiling girl with blue hair, sitting in some sort of strange cockpit. It was a vivid image, with orange   
  
liquid pooled in the bottom and a distinct scent that reminded him in no small capacity of blood. I   
  
coughed, falling onto my knees as they overwhelmed my balance and my rational mind, suddenly feeling   
  
wetness on my cheeks as I did so. Was it from the pain of the coughing, or something else? I could swear   
  
I felt emotions swelling up at the images, but most of all during the last one.  
  
"Are you all right?" came the voice that pulled me back to reality, the quiet calmness ringing   
  
through my head, though I thought I heard the faintest bit of concern laced within the words. I found   
  
myself looking at the floor with a hand covering my mouth and another on my chest as the world came into   
  
focus. I looked up slowly, the female uniform of our school greeting my eyes as it was filled out by the   
  
new girl.  
  
"Ayanami-san," I answered, meeting her red eyes. I found myself blinking suddenly, when I   
  
realized that she looked exactly the same as the smiling girl from my flashback. "I... don't feel all that   
  
well, I think." Truthfully, I felt utterly confused and lost, given the combination of disorientation and   
  
surprisingly intense physical pain I was suffering. It was all I could do not to pass out as I looked at her,   
  
and I felt her hand guiding me as I finally let myself fall back to the chair of my desk.  
  
"You should go to the nurse," she said to me, her voice calm and nearly lacking any emotion at all.   
  
It was somewhat odd, really, given that the last few days she had been at the school she had seemed to be a   
  
fairly normal girl, and even though she was quiet, she never was so cold and without feeling. Yet, I   
  
thought I saw something flicker in those red eyes, and it made me stare at them for a long moment. "Ikari-  
  
kun?" Her voice jolted me back to reality from the surreal daydream I had begun.  
  
"Ano, yeah, maybe I should," I said, nodding slightly and looking away. "Hey, Ayanami-san,   
  
have you... Well, I mean, have you noticed anything odd lately?" I immediately felt strange asking that,   
  
my moment of eye contact during my words being broken off as soon as I finished. It sounded rather silly,   
  
actually, as I thought about it. After all, my own behavior was certainly odd enough to qualify, yet the   
  
question was so vague that almost any answer could suffice. I sighed quietly, before I realized she was   
  
answering me.  
  
"I am unsure," she said, the words catching me off guard once I absorbed their meaning. I had   
  
expected a negative or positive response, not something uncertain. Given her current manner, it seemed   
  
even less likely, but I decided that I'd have to make do with that as a start. It was what she offered, after   
  
all. My eyes turned down to the surface of my desk before I closed them, taking a few, slow breaths.   
  
"I feel as though I know you," I said. It wasn't a good situation, I decided, after my mouth had   
  
closed, that I was doing things without meaning to. In fact, it could be downright dangerous if the trend   
  
continued, and I didn't want to get in any trouble for my mind and body acting of its own volition. "I   
  
mean, you're not sure? How can you be unsure?"  
  
"Do you, Ikari-kun?" she asked me, her eyes seeming oddly questioning for an instant. It seemed   
  
that she was still considering my errant words, which had escaped against my will. "I have never been here   
  
before, yet it is familiar to me. That is very... odd." I turned to look at her as she spoke, and saw as she   
  
let her head drift to the side a bit, her red eyes slowly sweeping over the classroom. I genuinely didn't know   
  
what to say in response to that, because when I tried to match it to my recent experiences, it created an   
  
entirely new, confusing dynamic. No, this wasn't going to do. My day was getting stranger and stranger as   
  
it went on. Finally, though, I mustered enough of my mental faculties to respond.  
  
"Sort of like déjà vu, you mean?" I asked, looking at her for a moment before I glanced out at the   
  
school's window. It also seemed strange that we had been there so long with what really turned out to be   
  
little words for the time consumed, a realization that struck me when I saw the clock and found that ten   
  
minutes of the lunch break had already swept by. "I guess we just must be deprived of sleep or   
  
something," I said an instant later, rubbing the back of my head uneasily and laughing quietly.  
  
"I usually acquire eight hours worth of rest each night," she said after a moment, her voice so   
  
serious that it caught me off guard. I stopped laughing and lowered my hand to the desk, rubbing my   
  
fingers against its surface lightly as I tried to think of some halfway intelligent remark to add to that, but it   
  
wasn't quick in coming. I wondered, as I tried to think, why she was still here with me, talking to me, or at   
  
least, standing there quietly with me.   
  
"I try to, but it's not always easy. Not recently, at least. I have strange dreams," I said, finally. I   
  
shouldn't have spoken about such things with people I barely knew, it occurred to me, but I felt that I could   
  
speak to her, for some reason. It was comfortable, which was strange. I hardly ever wanted to talk with   
  
anyone about things that were personal on that level, and half the time I sat afterwards, I wondered what it   
  
was that made me feel able to say them.  
  
"You are in my dreams, Ikari-kun," she said, then, which made me look up towards her suddenly.   
  
I told myself I wasn't certain I had heard her quiet voice correctly, but I knew I hadn't made a mistake. I   
  
knew exactly what she had said, and I for a moment wondered if it was a cruel joke. She did not seem like   
  
the sort to make a joke of that sort, or even a joke, for that matter, in the current situation. I stammered an   
  
instant, before I managed to speak. Why was it so hard to talk to her and so easy at the same time?  
  
"I'm what?" I made it a question, but it seemed possible enough when I paused to consider it.   
  
After all, if she was being truthful, then it might at least have given me some sort of theory about what was   
  
going on, since she was most assuredly in my dreams, or at least the flashbacks that had stricken me when I   
  
was awake. I paused and looked up at her again. For some reason, my gaze seemed to always gravitate   
  
away from her at the strangest times if I wasn't putting thought into it. "Did you have anything strange   
  
happen in the last few days? I know I asked if you noticed anything odd, but it's really bothering me."  
  
"The only things that I remember being strange are my dreams, and my... memories," she said,   
  
before suddenly, much to my surprise, her cheeks showed the faintest hint of color and she turned, moving   
  
away quickly and heading for the lunch area. It caught me off guard, needless to say, and I turned,   
  
reaching out my hand to try and keep her from running off. I didn't understand why she'd so quickly left,   
  
and it would be quite a while before I did. I couldn't escape the feeling that things were not going to get   
  
better any time soon, either. 


End file.
